.[SyN]tHeTic].x.[ThReNoDy].'s Die-ary

Subject:	Trashes te Room of My Mind
Time:	8:55 am.
Mood:	crushed.

Ugh so last nite was thanksgiving and the Cradle Concert

To summarize the story I froze to death for 2 hours in line and ultimately didnt get in.

( Bitchy Rambling Ensues... )

there is no sympathy for the mentally handicapped </3>

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.
You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.
There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special

___________

these are mostly things that i am always looking for &buy &such;;
1. black corsets
2. goggles (preferably plain black)
3. anything Jack Skellington <3
4. anything JTHM (except the comics)
5. anything BloodRayne ::drools :: lol (xcept the games)
6. CDs (um you can email me cuz listing it here would be crazy lol)
7. any shirts that I can cut up or alter or use as materials for my DIY projects
8. dread/hair ponyfalls
9. i like clothes lol (in black esp. band shirts you can email me)
10. Shane

Thanks to whoever just reads that lol

o and one last thing.... i really dont think im gonna post anymore angry posts in awhile. they're kinda depressing and pointless sometimes... ramblyness...

bye all

Comments: Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Sometimes....
Time:	8:32 am.
Mood:	disappointed.

So yesterday Shane and I helped at my lil sister's 5th grade up... potluck party thing I dunno and then we went to the mall. we went to hot topic and shane bought me a pretty red medival corset blouse in red and I got a vinyl black dress (Im also selling duplicates that ill promote soon enough) and we went on the promenade and shane had 2 smokes and shane had bought me candy b4 and i wanted to buy shane something but i forgot my wallet...

we came home and I had to do ebay and hen shane and I watched Dawn of the Dead... Then he was trying to fix Gunbound/other comp games on my comp so i fell asleep and Im really hard to wake up cuz wen i dont get enough sleep im dysfunctional. but shane tried to wake me up several times in the nite and I think he sprayed water on me which resulted in my yelling at him... I dunno lately ive beenr eally out of wack. i apologized a lot and after something im censoring he ultimeately said it was okay but i still felt like shit and ended up crying about it in addition to other things.

this mourning i woke up to an amazing jounral entry of shane's and I ask myself why... Why he's leaving, why he's staying, why he makes everything look worse than it is, why he insists on getting everyone to hate me, why he said we pretty much just watched a movie and thats it, why i should care of everyone hates me...

I mean c'mon shane parents hated me at some point and at least i no his mom said to find someone else b4 and now i have to meet them. god its kinda embarressing that the girl they told himt o stay away from he's bringing for a visit. maybe they dont hate me anymore but i cant forget that shit. they specifically told himt o find someone else.

i mean remember that one time EVERYONE, his friends and family, all told him i was no good, i was trash, he "deserves better" (which i dont argue), he should dump me and find a new girl and with everyone brainwashing him the thoughts actually got thru -_- of kourse i could see that everyone in canada, his family friends and the hundreds of girls waiting for a chance to nab him were all biased. id expect my friends and family to side with me its in their nature if they no u personallya nd not the other person. anyway it got to the point that if i remember correctly shane did dump me for another girl (o god even my mom told him to "see other ppl". i blame her. of course only now about 1/2 year later does she say "seeing other ppl" DOESNT mean sex. we coulda used that a long time ago mom -_-)

anyway the point of all this was that i see shane projecting this really bad image of us and wen i thin about what we do and what people THINK we do and what people are going to say to him about me and how in addition to his thoughts he's gonna have more pejorative thigns about me...

I already feel insuffcient and wen ppl gang up on me (and caitlin and jules can verify this though most of theirs is joking) i remember it and feel even worse about myself and eventually ic an see myself giving up. I cant compete with everyone all the time and expect to always win. so i get scared. of letting shane do anything. im insufficient so i get jealous of whoever's better i get insecure about myself compared to them and sometimes would rather hide and let them have him rather than face shane picking them over me.

i tell myself over and over that im going to conquer this. i am GOING to be more confident cuz SHane loves me and not them as he's proved in the past wen he dumped Karo and came bak to me (regardless that the damage in that had already ben done) and what not.

Sure Shane can have friends who are not all over him. I mean rite okay he has guy friends who invite him into doing some things that i dont agree with and he turns them down so i shud be proud... and thats all i shudn have insecurities about omg what if he did and ill never no cuz he was in canada. shane has guy friends and as long as shane has fun with them w/o drugs or drinking or anything sexually oriented or anything in appropriate like SI then i shud be okay. Girl friends I should be okay too because despite my literally watching 2 girls get too close and ultimately winning over me, im not stupid enough to let it happen a 3rd time and neither is shane. ill never forgive myself for being so stupid and watching just friends turn into close friends into best friends into just a crush into in love into whatever came next and i call that myfault but my excuse was trust. anyway i have to start doing that agai. gitls with bfs, husbands, lezbianism or even single who dont disrespect the boundary u no? i mean wen a guy has a gf he's devoted to u dont stik ur tongue down his throat do u?not unless ur an evil bitch on my hit list.

god i keep straying from the subject. shane's proly gonna get mad at this entry and i shud delete it...

ive been trying to get out that im going to try and not feel so insuffcient or insecure and im going to actually trust shane and let him go bak without worrying so much and let him have friends as long as he's learned his lesson and im just trying to make him happie...

xXx

Who am i kidding... I suck at making him happie and I know it. He wants to go bak and though i dont want himto i have to think of the one thing no one else is thinking about rite now cuz they're 2 damned selfish... shane's happiness. he wants to go bak. fine if that makes him happie cuz god nos i sure as hell cant do that </3>void

If you ~~dont~~ have anything nice to say, dont say it at all

Comments: 1 Slash | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Sigh
Time:	9:35 am.
Mood:	underappreciated.

The time has come.

And I''m tired of feeling underappreciated and disparraged.

xXx

On a diff note, I mite as well move to my new dj soon tho as inconsistent as I am rite now I'm gonna change my layout again. Just the bg pic and ikon which Denise with your extraordinary talent I'll ask you to please make for me again. Im still gonna use the Crow one you made me cuz that one's just fukin awesome.

Uh..... I actually caught up onmy reading The Scarlet Letter for skool but now i have about 50 pages of margin notes to do.

I got my grades for the quarter:

American Lit : B+
AP Biology : B+
Pre-Calculus: B-
French IV: A
American History: B
Ceramics II : A

At least my mom didn't bite my head off.

I'm still juggling violin and Ive sorta finally memorized my piece for Juries and recital.

I'm sore from fencing practice but that's just cuz im really not in shape. For any sport.

eBay's okay. GothicAuctions is okay. I made another shirt for an english project and I'll get a pic up soon. its about The Scarlet Letter. We had to think of our deepest fault and wear the first letter of that fault for 3 days to skool. Wearing the same shirt for 3 days wasnt too kool but I'm the only one who actually made a shirt so Im glad. So yea pic coming up later.

Tomorrow is my friend Juliet's birthday and because I'll probably not update tomorrow I'll say it now: Happie 16th Birthday Juliet. Weeeeeee.

Thata it for now i cant think of anything else... Yea i cant. so ill "see you all later". In other words ill try and update again soon. Bye all.

Comments: Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Pix... FINALLY lol
Time:	9:39 pm.
Mood:	creative.
Music:	Shane's bondage pants chains jingling as he walks.

I know I havent been that active lately and I know I told people I would be and yea tht didnt happena nd I told people I'd ost more pix and Im here to say that IS happening... now lol

First tho! Halloween was kool... did I update on this? :: checks :: K no I didnt lol. Anyway Haloween was kool. Shane and I took the kids Treak-or-Treating and ended up at my friend Juliet's house until Caitlin and both their bfs got there. My sibs left so it was us 3 girls and guys and we left to go wandering around the neighborhood and went to this small park. Shane raped Emailio like 4 times which tramautized him (thats Caitlin's bf). Juliet and Peter kinda just hung around each other. Caitlin and I watched in... sighingness(?) at who our bfs were lol but we still wuv then ^_^ I practically stomped on Emilio's balls which didnt end well for him :-( and im still sorry for it lol it seemed like everyone got to see Caitlin's blue panties except me and we ate ice cream and ate candy back at Juliet's house. it was really fun. a lotta energy nd letting loose and really smiling and laughing. fun :-)

Shane bought me Bloodrayne II which is now my FAVORITE game of all time. She's just so sexxy and wicked awesome and kiks so much ass and rips ppl to bloody fucking shreds! Fuck! She's so fuking awesome. If yout hought she was kikass in the first game the 2nd is SOOOOOOOO much better :-D

And I bought Shane a purty coffin watch with a flaming(?) skull that says DEAD on top. Its purty. he really liked it too so yay!

Shane's the bestest boyfriend ever ^_^ for me anyway. And if any girl tries to take my place she'll meet my fist in her fucking face... and ill poke her eyes out muahahhahahaaaaaaaaa ^_^

The latest is that i performed some shirt surgey which I am o so proud of ^_^ and anyway... onto the piccies!

( xSynthetic_Threnodyx )

I'm out for the nite kiddies. Ttyl.

Comments: 11 Slashes | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Broken Angel Cut Off Her Own Wings With Your Razor-sharp Lies and Pieces of Her Broken Heart
Time:	6:22 pm.
Mood:	disappointed.
Music:	Predictable : Good Charlotte.

Good Charlotte : Predictable

Something isn't right,
I can feel it again, feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming, still I don't know why,
I let you in.

I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's always wrong...)
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable... (So predictable...)

So take your empty words,
Your broken promises.
And all the time you stole,
Cause ~~I am done with this~~.
I could give it away, give it away,
I'm doing everything I should've.
And now I'm making a change,
I'm living the day.
I'm giving back what you gave me.
~~I don't need anything~~.

I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's always wrong...)
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable... (So predictable...)

Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
~~Every time I try to fall in love,~~
vThey all want to know why I'm so broken.
Why I'm so cold,
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
You're never coming back,
Never... Never... Never

I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's always wrong...)
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable... (So predictable...)

Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love, (So predictable)
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me
And I know what it is...(So predictable)
~~I'm ending this right now~~

xXx

I need to express myself s.o.m.e. w.a.y.

Subject:	T_T
Time:	5:20 pm.
Mood:	depressed.

Last nite was really long. Today I felt really drained.

I fell asleep crying.

I failed my history test.

Ive decided to start my new dj wen i can find the point in my life wen i feel i sud start anew.

My head hurts a lot but I think im going to be okay in the end. Damn paranoia and shit.

The highlites of my day were...

passing notes in bio with Kristen, Karen and... i forget her name O_o Caroline there we go lol

and bringing up necrophilia in English. oOo yea ;) lol

We're discuing Poe and Im having the best time in English. I guess a lot of my ideas seem really bizarre. like the necrophilia thing (which a lot of ppl didnt understand and even more didnt know what necrophilia was), plunging into the whole Raves/Crows are the carriers of souls thing in The Raven (yea a lot of ppl didnt get that either) and the idea that the speaker in The Raven at one pont goes suicidal. That wasa bit of a stretch but yea i think my ideas work.

I'm missing shane terribly. Its really not kool. All day ive just been in a slumpy depression and... this mourning i walked to skool andit felt like the longest walk ever. 2 days in a row he wasnt at my bus stop waiting for me and last nite i slept in my cold bed alone

Whats going to happen ~~wen he has to go back~~?

Comments: 1 Slash | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Back From The Dead
Time:	5:18 pm.
Mood:	creative.

So I'm royally screwing up in skool over and over again. Not kool

I go interviewed for a school article wen i specifically said I wasnt punk and they pun me in a punk article.

Violin, eBay's fine. Mom isnt.

Sometimes I just feel like dying.

I really need to take some pix again. soon. Denise asked for'em and I've been lazy lol sorry hun

I got GC's CD The Chronicles of Life & Death which 1/2 sucks, 1/2 doesnt.

Shane got Nyphetamine which I was gona buy but I figured I could burn it so hell y not rite? Ill buy it later wen i have money. i love COF's CD coverart <3

We went to Knott's Scary Farm which was fun :) It was so cute to see shane panicking at the drop on the log ride awwwwwwwww ^_^

A monster tried to scare me from behind and i turned around and gave hima looooong hug lol and he was like "ahhhh! no little girl! stop!" lol and then i lost shane in a fog and a monster scared me so i hugged it 2 and then we found shane and the monseter was so funnie cuz he started petting me and told shane "u just made the wrong move buddy" lol but yea im not dumping shane for a monster soooooo... yea

There was also this REALLY pretty vampire man in the Lore of the Vampire Maze. he was pretty <3 No doubt im sure Denise would've agreed lol

I bought another .c.o.f.f.i.n. purse. this time w/o Jck Skellington on the back. I think purses id gonna be my new thing O_O nah. thatd be such a waste of money lol

I want new boots tho. again lol. i want sum vinyl ones. and i need a vinyl skirt. hell theres a lotta things i want. im not about to list'em all lol

im gonna take sum pix with my falls <3 and sum normal ones

speaking of normal i mite go normal for halloween to skool. maybe i can get some pix 2 O_O i need to borrow some clothes... little pink skirt... white tank top... pigtails... some spray on blonde... gt some glitery makeup and some Uggs... :: VOMITS :: geez what the hell am i thinking lol. but i have another costume for nitetake. its a pretty velvt dress with kikass big bell sleeves and sum spider webby decor ill take sum pix.

until then. comments are appreciated. im not dead yet lol. tty all later

Comments: 2 Slashes | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Life's Changed
Time:	6:54 pm.
Mood:	bored.

You know sum deep thoughts have hit me recently.

Besides skool being the hardest shit ever it's been brougt to my attention that since shane's been here i've been "different".

Jessica told me Im more smiley today on the bus and i find myself talking more and having more energy (despite the lack of eating).

I look bak wen i was really depressed and it hit me recently its been quite a while since ive cut and quite a while since i ever even felt that i needed 2. True sometimes im just out for the blood and i still like looking at others' SI but i wonder have i really chnged so much?

Shane maks everything... better. I still get depressed sometimes or have episodes of bad thinking or remembering but they never last long. m trying to push myself past that shit. im trying to hope for better. and who nos maybe they will be better.

xXx

Shane got me a gorgeous bouqet of roses the otherday and they're so beautiful. I cant wait til they dry out :-D

Also! KRISTIN! I got CC#5 :-D and it was realy awesome. Rape/aids stories. kikass stuff as usual

Tho i did read that rape story and part of The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and dude im scared to death of getting raped now lol Not that iw asnt b4 but i mean im gona start being scared of going out by myself now lol :-X

Currently reading:The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red

Speaking of Rose Red I have a growing facination on that mansion. If no one knos what im talking about watch Rose Red by Stephen King. Great movie. Amazing mansion. Outstanding story.

I should get to bak to hw soon. Maybe ill update more later.

O yea, we also know where my dad is i think. Meh. We'll catch him and finally get some money i guess.

Comments: 2 Slashes | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	First Day Back
Time:	9:27 pm.
Mood:	stressed.

First day backt o skool was hell in a handbasket.

I lost my schedule and pieced it by memory. I lost my combo and pieced it by memory lol Opening Ceremony was a bitch cuz it was like freaking 10000 degrees out and i was sweating like a pig. ew.

then after i cooled off during lunch lili and i played sum hardcore badinon nonstop for 1/2 hour and we were sweating again O_o it was gross. then i was all sweatiie wen i got hoome and i had so much homework and it was so hot i cudnt concenrate.

i have so much reading for bio and history im gonna die. plus now that im badmintoning at lunch instead of eating i have to break my lunch into badminton time and ceramic time O_O so im thinking 3 lunches a week ill badminton and 1 a week ill put into ceramics since i have class for ceramic and not PE anymore. plus i have my free track to get some hw done and READ. yay.

I checked even more books fromt he library. BAD ME DAMNIT. I finished The Bell Jar and loved it and im readling Less Than Zero and love it (caitlin ill get'em to u soon) im gonna start The Lovely Bones since i found it in the library so maybe ill do more readng hopefullie. ill just read faster i need to actually read books i OWN now.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... got bitched at for grades even tho its only my.... first day back. yea my mom is crazy.

goodbye summer. DIE TEXTBOOK.

Comments: 1 Slash | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	I Found This Amusing...
Time:	10:19 am.
Mood:	amused.
Music:	Rasputina : Transylvanian Concuine.

"Gothic is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

Put an X next to things that apply to you, a + next to things that sometimes apply to you and a - by the things that don't apply to you at all.

[X]Frequently wears black clothing. (It's practically all I wear lol)

[X]Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. (Gotta represent you know? lol)

[X]Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick, or nailpolish.

[+]Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. (I hate gold, all i wear is silver and as for symbols :: shurgs :: i wear what i like)

[X]Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. (dont deny it c'mon lol)

[X]Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.

[X]Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

[X]Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. (yea I dont sport xcept for badminton and lili and I dont even play correctly lol and church can kiss my ass)

[X]Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. (i dont need to xplaint his u all kow who i am lol)

[-]Takes drugs. (I'm clean ^_^)

[+]Drinks alcohol (occasionally. depends wen it is)

[+]Is suicidal and/or depressed (I used to be an X for sure but now I move in and out od depression)

[+]Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (I sed to a lot and then spilled into occasionally... i stilw ant to sometimes but who knows...)

This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.

[X]Complains of boredom. (no shit who doesnt lol)

[X]Sleeps too excessively or too little. (i either do one or the other. there is no in between for me)

[X]Is excessively awake during the night. (i love it. thats when its quiet and i can be alone. be me.)

[X]Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use. (ive got four words for you. THE SUN IS EVIL!!)

[X]Demands an unusual amount of privacy. (I dont consider it unusal but others mite. I dont like interactin w/ family/ppl who arent friends or shane and i wanna keep away from'em all lol)

[+]Spends large amounts of time alone. (I do a lot of things alone like read or am on the comp a lot and I like the aloneness a lot bu w/ shane living here cant just ignore him all the time)

[X]Requests time alone and quietness. This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation. (ppl need space and quiet okay? its not always for speaking to evil spirits)

[X]Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult (hellz yeah!)

[+]Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. (it depednds, im usully respectful but if u disrespect theres no fuckin way u deserve my respect (like that damned comissioner and those bitchy teachers >:o ))

[+]Misbehaves at school. (not unlress u count fiting w/ those girls... like Kimmi in math... or biting Tiffany in PE.. or giving Mathias that bloody nose... okay so i misbehave a lil but im usually good lol.)

[+]Misbehaves at home. (i fite w/ my mom and sibs my share)

[+]Eats excessively or too little. (i go thru phases usually during vacation if im not reminded to eat i wont)

[-]Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. (what the hell? "goth related foods? O_o i eat whatever he hell i want)

[X]Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (yea i crave blood and drank it occasionally. that reminds me i g remind shane about that lol)

[+]Watches cable television or any other corrupted
media sources. Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch. (r u serious? who doesnt watch TV? i mean i watch it less than the average bear but c'mon)

[X]Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. (Nohell yes1 video games kik fucking ass)

[X]Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

[+]Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

[+]Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

[+]Expresses an interest in sex. (whoever doesnt is lying lol)

[-]Is homosexual and/or bisexual. (wait a sec what does this have to do with goth culture?)

[+]Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism (im extremely interested but havent commited myself)

[+]Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "Woe is me", or "I'm a goth". (I wear pins and shit but none that say that O_o the only one i have thats nething like that is prolly my vampyre smiley face.)

[+]Claims to be a goth. (sometimes sure y not. I used to denyc uz i said i hated labels and shit and then i realized that everyone says that and they prolly do just because they're scared of being called a poser and then having the "real goth" or punk or watever pp go after hen. get real. if u're practically goth who cares if u call urself it or not)

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church"

Wow only 5 or more. thats funnie :o)

xXx

Shane's at work ^_^ so yay we found him a jbob :) He's telemarketing for $8 an hour lol go shane go shane :-)

Til then ive been just sitting around... being online... practicing violin since i got bak into classes... that whole bit.im kind of just bored as hell rite now lol. 3 1/2 hours til shane gets bak so ill prolly violin summore. ive missed it so <3 tot hink ive been playing for 5 years already. i feel old lol

Comments: 4 Slashes | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	Update
Time:	7:40 am.
Mood:	accomplished.

Okay I have been lacking the whole updating thing recently eh? I've heard that im beng missed and I feel bad cuz i didnt think people wud but anyway ill try and update more often :-)

xXx

Um... I went ice skating with Shane/Caitlin once. caitlin and I caught up on stuff but i think i just kinda wasted $20 there lol

A while ago I bought a new asian dress... all my other ones or from wen i was like 7 or 9.... so yea i abought an all black one which was a trick to find lol. then my mom also bought shane an asian coat thing... its blk with a red dragon on the back and its pretty kool 2. then we wore them both the other nite to this fancy "Cal-Asian" restaurant called Yamashiro. It was a bit loud which sucked, a bit awkward (it kinda just made me want a burger lol) but we eased into it. got this really yummy chicken dish (even tho it was probably just the size of a small cheseburger anyway lol) and we got warm chocolate souffle's with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and i g2 tell u that lil piece of crap was $10 and it cuz fit int h palm of my hand.... but it was good as fucking hell lol Then we walked in the mini garden there and since Yamashiro's up in the Hollywood Hills we got a full view of the city at nite. purtyful <3

And for the record I screwed up 2 very romantic kisses by laughing but I didnt crack on the last one lol I just smiled a lot XD

xXx

I have a Giga Pet again lol It's a koala. It keeps reseting or dying lol but rite now its named .SYN.

Shane lost his Tamagotchi... who knows where he is lol

xXx

Shane d/led more games for the Gameboy Advance emulator I have on my comp so yea we basically play GBA games for free just on the comp. I'm playing Pokemon Ruby on there lol look all the old skool things are coming bak. pretty soon ill be getting bak into sailor moon and power rangers :-D (well actually... i still like those but yea lol)

xXx

Speaking of anime ive fallen in love the Inu Yasha and and and yea. I wuv all the characters and we visited my friends at the manga store and they have all these Inu Yasha plushies and stuff and i want T_T I esp. want a Keelala plushie... T_T

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Just for the record im ALWAYS broke now. Which is poopy lol

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Yesterday we were in Hollywood and in the mall was this skate boarding touranament which was really awesome to watch. shane used to skate and I've been wlling to learn lol and so's my brother so my mom mite get us into that soon who knows. There were 2 girls at the tournament but one kinda just went on the mini halfpipe over and over again and i didnt see the other but my mom said she was good. Then since we were at the mall we ate at Johnny Rockets (yum) and i took Kayla nto Claire's and she bought a charm bracelet and i bought a bracelet that kinda just is mini handcuffs linked together. its pretty lol We went to Hot Topic to do a lil business shopping for my eBayness and I ended up buying a new pair of wide fishnets (thats my 3rd pair cuz my others keep ripping) a new Evanescence shirt and im not sure that im gonna cut ot the logo and sew it on a tank top just yet. i doubt it but yea. and i bought a cute blk purseish thing. and we bought Shane a pair of shorts and kayla got a tube top and yea that was it i think.

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There's been weird talka bout Shane and I starting a band. We only need a drummer bassist and a lead guitarist who can do solos O_o ha "only". wow dude we're a grond zero but at least we figured out that Shane can second guitar, teach me what he knows and take turns lead singing and 2ndguitar/backup vocals.

You know what? You never know. The only thing ive figured out is that i need 2 make friends lol

And I need to get more money lol.

All for today im off to shower... maybe cuddle shane bit b4 i do cuz he' still sleeping. aw.

Comments: 1 Slash | Slit My Wrist.

Subject:	So much for promises
Time:	4:32 pm.
Mood:	pissed off.

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Shane promised me things would be different wen he came here. So much for that

xXx

My mom's still a fucking BITCH. Still hits me still rags on me wen shit isnt my fault and still treats me like the shittest one of her kids. I have NO ONE in my defense -_-

xXx

I get the best grades, i actually help bring in money, I actually think about chorse and our problems and I try REALLY REALLY TRY to do my part and more in this fucked up family because my older brother is irresponsible an d cant take care of himself. Do i get credit? Let me think... <u<NO.

Screw that u no. Why should I do anything if in the end my mom still calls me a retard. A stupidass. A Loser. A Fuck up.

hahaha. Wait a second. You expect me to do work for u... cook, clean, makethe best grades, watch out for the kids aince ur out of the house more than u're in it and you're not givingme a single thank you. Sorry. SUCK YOU BITCH> You threaten to send shane back? FINE. Send him bak. He's supposed to go bak anyway... in a few weeks. Sure itd be nice to have him around for longer but realistically if Im gonna be treated like shit even tho im not id rather shane go bak so i can kill myself and rub it in my mom's face that its her fucking fault XD

THEN who is gonna cook... clean... be a good influence on the kids... who's gonna watch them while she's out fucking her bf nearly everynite?

Maybe GOD FORBID She'll have to learn to BE A MOM instead of sending her daughter in as a replacement.

Please -_- She thinks im scared of her :: rolls eyes :: She's been threatening to break my face for over a decade and she hasn done it yet cuz she KNOWS she'll get canned for it. She says she doesnt care but shit of kourse she does. No one wants to be jailed, not even her. So Mom, shut the fuckup with the empty threats, no one wants o hear them anymore :: yawn :: they're just tiring now.

Speaking of tired u're getting there arent u? Sure u'd like to fake being 21 but mom lets not forget the reality that u're heading for 50 soon. Tsk tsk tsk. Someone has identity issues.

Anyway enough of this i think i ranted out enough for today. You know this sweek I made $about $240. hank was how much money was paid to me in 6 days. Now lets think about this for a second. Im the fuck up child rite? yet Im making money that most of goes to the rent anway. C'mon i mean i dont mind that. Just gimme a 20 now and then and im kool but lets look at the facts shall we

_My older bro is 25 and earlier this mourning he asked me for $10 cuz he said he needed money and as of now he has only $5 to his name. (for the record I turned him down cuz he aready owes me $25)
_My bro gives my mom $300 a month (12 the time) for the rent
_My bro is 25 which officially makes him an adut so technically my mom doesnt have to support him anymore.
_My brother eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches everday. Or anything microwavable or any type of sandwaich for that mater. o and cereal. the rest he just eats out. He cant even cook just add water stuff. Furthermore he only cooks for himself, not even for his sibs.

My Turn

_I'm 16. I work and I make decent money. I only work so my mom doesnt have to give me money outta her pocket all the time so this way i make my own spending money (awww how sweet :: vomits::)
_My mom only gives me a fraction of what I make in cash to spend because she makes me pay my own food, cellfone bill and rent (rent's just whatever's left over).

_I can cook. Contrary to popular belief. I can make what my bro makes. I can do just add water. Hell I can make a mashed potatoes (not the just add water), carne empanada (its a spanish meat thing but its good) and rice and some salad and voila we have dinner O_o I can make simple things like poutine or chili friesand furthermore I CAN COOK FOR ME MY LIL BRO AND SIS AND MY BF. I can cook a whole breakfast of eggs bacon toast and pancakes and even sum mac & Cheese if u want. The point is I can cook.
_I'm 16. AKA under 18. AKA a minor. AKA Mom has to support me for the next almost 2 years except fo the one minor problem.. I'M SUPPORTING MYSELF.
_and guess what... wen skool rolls around I still have the time to turn in B+ to A+ papers and assignments, get on the dean's list or make honor roll or whatever and babysit for my teachers.

C'mon now people... I may not be wonderwoman. or supergirl but wud u go as far as to call me the "fuck up child" i the family O_o wanna anylize my mom next? here goes

_mom's near 50ish. Maybe closer to 45. No one nos for sure cuz she doesnt say, jokes she's 21 and get implants in her lips and gets surgury... wo nmos. whatever. Point is mom's going donhill and denies it.
_Mom also goes out almost everynie to sleepover her bf's house. Next mourning mom comes home, yells at everyone to clean up the house and then leevs again. for hours. no one nos where she goes
_Mom works 2 but Jessica has 60 auctions going on ebay... and mom has 24. (Then mom yells at Jess and tells her she's not working hard enough :-D)
_Mom can cook. except she usually only cooks a meal once and sys "jessica pay attention to how i make this cuz ur doing it next time" (that barely happens to. imena i give her credit. he woman can cook wen necessary or wen jess/shane are busy)
_Mom yells that she contribuets most in the family. Most of her examples of what she oes includes driving which no one else can do except robert and he only drives himself anywhere

You get the point I think.... Now i dont wanna be praised for being the best in the family or anything cuz i have my probs but what ticks me off is wen mom calls me a good for nothing piece of sit and doesnt realize what i do until i stop doing it. The End. [/CASE CLOSED]

Comments: 1 Slash | Slit My Wrist.